This blog can be called one thing or another, but what it most certainly should be called is a LONG TIME COMING. Hours and hours of my young adult life have been spent on my computer just like this, ranting and raving, laughing and scowling, all at the state of politics within our country, and sometimes the world. I have participated in debates, arguments, discussions and even some rallies. I realized at some point earlier this year that growing up my parents instilled two very important ideals in me, that have now become highly conflicting.
I was raised to be polite. Nursed in etiquette by my parents own version of Emily Post, and reprimanded with shame for acts of insensitivity and/or rudeness. I also grew up around enough “mean girls” to know the difference between how you are suppose to act, and how people act when they aren’t thinking about being polite. I became very well versed in body language and mood reading when awkward situations arised. This trait has become so ingrained in me that not only are my please’s and thank you’s usually on cue, but my ability to avoidance of inappropriate conversation topics has become a mastery.
There is one problem with this though. I was also taught growing up (maybe I taught myself this even, I’ve always been feisty) to speak up for what I believe in. Maybe it started when I was young and became engrossed in young adult and children’s Holocaust books. I became fascinated with the subject. How did it get so bad? Why didn’t someone stand up for all these people? Why were people so mean? I realized quickly that even the moral beliefs that many Germanys held, which opposed the Nazi’s treatment of the Jews were often just ignored so that the status quo would remain. I didn’t understand how people could be so quiet? (It is a fact that never throughout my entire life have I ever been quiet so this concept really didn’t sit well with me)
As I got older, and began to form my own beliefs about things around me, I realized I believed myself to be outspoken when it came to my opinions, but I noticed, polite Emma was far too scared to ever express them. Outlets finally came, in the forms of my middle school blog, family dinners, and debate with my Libertarian uncle and these provided me with the opportunities to express beliefs about which I burned with passion. I read 1984 the summer because Bush’s 2nd Presidential win, and I remember writing my first extremely passionate political post. I was angry, disgusted, and scared. I wanted transparency for my government, and someone in charge whom I actually trusted. Unfortunately I was only 15 and had no say in who would be elected to any position.
I came to college at 18 and all that had burned inside of me before lay even closer to the surface. I thought college was a place for young minds, empowered with liberal ideals and conviction. I wanted to talk to people who would stretch my understanding and help me become more active in politics. What I found though was a setback in my progress.
I did encounter many passionate people with conviction, it just so happened that most of them were convinced of the righteousness of the conservative end of the spectrum, very far opposite as me. My years at college have been great, but I have held regret close. I have reverted back to the younger version of myself who didn’t believe in standing up for what I believed in. I felt vulnerable and nervous around individuals whom vastly disagreed with my views. I was still passionate, but debate and conversation surrounding politics often left me angry, charged up and frustrated, all things representing an awkward and impolite interaction.
I realized a few months ago, that by suppressing my views to remain polite was impractical. I was ashamed at the amount of times I sat back and let someone give falsified information, because I was too nice to correct their misunderstanding, or let them bash a minority or religion, because I was too uncomfortable to call out their blatant discriminatory statements. There is a time to be polite, and honestly, a time to be myself.
This is me on this blog starting today. Liberal. Social. Outspoken. Jewish. Angry. Emotional. Conflicted. Passionate. Humorous. I am not holding back any longer.
